Don’t try to front; I know just (just) what you are.
Well, hello there. Looky looky what we have here. It’s my birthday, and I’ve got a wee morsel of snark-ready cuisine served up fresh on my plate. A new Britney Spears video? Could it get any better? Oh, Birthday Gods, thank you ever so much. This couldn’t be any day but my birthday.
So, Britney’s new video is called “Womanizer.” It features a very attractive bloke going about his ordinary day, his scantily clad housewife cooking him eggs (strangely square in shape) while in his boxers, then cuts to him slaving away at the daily grind in the office, progressing into having a cigar-and-scotch lunch (um?) with his co-worker boys, transitioning into being chauffeured around in his Town Car, and then returning home at the end of a long day…of “womanizing.” Or is he?
First of all, let’s begin with the basics. It’s a good thing Britney can release a video that opens with her writhing around alone, oiled and naked, in a strategically lit sauna. Because then we sorta forget that she can’t actually sing at all. Those of us that don’t rely on our ears for hearing, that is. Having her songs stand on their own, sans racy or controversial videos? Oh, c’mon, silly. We know that ain’t gonna happen.
Is anyone else confused as to what naked Britney in a sauna has to do with anything? Anyone? Okay, wanna hear my guess? To distract people from actually listening to the song! Once again, my theory harks back to the fact that…okay, okay, you already know her croonin’ chords are a joke. Clever decoy there, producers.
But I’m still confused. We’re talking about a “womanizer,” right? A “player”? A “manwhore”? “Casanova”? “Don Juan”? “Skirt chaser”? “Ladies Man“? Right? So, what part of “womanizing” do you see taking place in any of these screenshots?
Pardon the excessive hair flippage. She’s merely avoiding the imminent “womanizing” by tossing her tresses ’round and ’round. And ’round.
Oh, hey there, sauna. What was your function again? Gratuitous nude shots of Britney to distract the viewer from the fact that there’s absolutely no talent nor substance behind this “comeback effort” (or her entire career, for that matter)? Oh, okay. Carry on.
So, she suggestively struts her naughty bits to practically vex him into ending up between her legs throughout the video, and then he gets the beating of his life at the end. Reality, were you going to make an appearance here, perhaps?
We have to talk.
According to Dictionary.com, a “womanizer” is defined as “a man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them.” And further, “to womanize” means “to pursue women lecherously.” Oh, ha, that’s funny, ’cause the only “lecherous pursuit” I see here is Britney rubbing all parts of her female genitalia on a man that probably would have left her alone, had she not suctioned her breasts to his palms at every free flick of the wrist.
Men, if every single woman, from your sassy secretary to the wild waitress to the lascivious limo driver, for example, were all actively attempting to grab your appendage and have porn star sex with you, um, under these conditions, wouldn’t you be labeled a “womanizer,” too? While I’m sure many philandering gentleman have attempted to use that line of reasoning as a pithy excuse that their significant other did not buy, we all know that rarely happens to the average Joe Six-Pack. Even if he looks like the fine young specimen in the video. It don’t happen that way, Bubba. You’ll notice, too, that Baby Faced Cutie (who actually has a name – Brandon Stoughton – imagine that!) hasn’t exactly done anything to entice, provoke, or chase her. Unless looking has somehow been declared a crime in Britney’s futuristic harlot haven. And isn’t the heart of “womanizing” the pursuit of women?
Perhaps I’m just dense. I mean, scan the YouTube comments, and you’ll see nothing but the highest praise for the Return of America’s Top Pop Tart. The bells are ringing with fervent glee, and chants of “BriTnEy iZ BACK!!!!!” echo from the rafters (in varying levels and amounts of capital letters and with differing degrees of punctuational emphasis, of course). I even saw a comment (that I can’t seem to locate now) that touts this video as “empowering women in bad relationships.” Whoa, seriously? So this video is going to, like, spawn a movement? Because I think this video sorta hikes down the skirt of the women’s movement. I suppose I’m simply not American enough to pull the leather corset over my eyes and enjoy this.
Errr, the pretty lil’ “womanizer” in the video is quite delectable, at the very least. See? There’s a little redblood in this American for you after all.
That is too long of a post to devote to Britney Spears.
I have to agree with groovehouse. But thanks to this post, i won’t have to satisfy my curiosity by actually watching a Britney Spears video, something I’ve never, ever, ever done. Maybe she’s all nekkid to show off her new re-fabbed bod? Disgusting.
Okay, so, I’m not gonna argue with either of you. Well, wait, I like to argue, which is why I wasted my time by putting analytic effort into a critique of a generally stupid, moronic video. I love pointing out the ridiculosity of Britney Spears and her idiotic, brain-cell-less career. I can’t help myself.
Sigh.
I’m going to have to write a rebuttal blog post now.
I saw this girl on tv and in the newspaper (in the “Entertainment” section). I think she is pretty, but she did not seem very happy.
Whether her music is good or bad, I wouldn’t know. Perhaps I heard her sing on tv, but can’t remember.
You are just jelous! FUCK U!!!!!!!!!!
You know what? That’s probably it. I’m completely jealous.
I’m jealous that someone as untalented and uninteresting as Britney Spears gets to capitalize off the stupidity of tasteless, inane consumers. I wish I could base my career on nothing like she does.
So you’re right. I’m completely jealous.
Oh, by the way, it’s “jealous.” Doesn’t surprise me that a Britney fan can’t spell.
Preach it, sister! I thought the same thing when I watched the video – who’s the one objectifying women here? The guy who went to work, or the woman who gyrates on top of him. Hmmm…
The sauna thing was so gratuitous. A rebuttal to the “she’s fat” contingent, I guess.
Thank You for such a brilliant blog post. I’ve never liked Britney hit me skinny. I’ve not heard her latest song and don’t intend to unless I’m somehow tortured into it.
Ah, Fayza. The observations in your last comment is completely valid. And what’s even more interesting is the same consumers are following mainstream media in the same fashion.
It’s so much easier to do what the radio/newspaper/tv/billboard tells you!
How long until Chris Crocker posts a comment? Leave Britney ALONE, Please waaaa waaaaa! Okay, now for some substance.
First, Britney is looking good in that video. I am sure that sales of Vaseline to 12 year olds jumped in the hours after it was posted. Second, did you notice what’s written on his Nokia 5800 XpressMusic touch-phone at 23 seconds? It has his calendar with “Product Placement Meeting.” Too funny. The Nokia is later used to shoot video of the office vixen. That’s pretty good use of irony.
Third, the song is written from the perspective of the guy’s gf at the start who is way jealous and imagining his various trysts (while relaxing naked in the sauna, conveniently). The words say things like, “You say I’m crazy,” and go on to explain that she can’t keep seeing him — even though the guy is innocent of the charge, as you point out. It all is pretty clear at the end as all four Britneys confront the guy — his gf and her three imagined seductresses who pop in and out because they aren’t really there (duh).
I rule Britney innocent of the charge of stupidity in videosity and I rule you guilty of inability to see the obvious.
I do like the video, it is very sexy. And even though mass-media pop brainwash “music” like Britney Spears’ is generally my least favorite genre, I have to give the woman credit. Not many almost-30 moms of 2 can go around being that sexy… let alone being more famous than her 17 year old self when she first came into the spotlight. Most celebrities like her are cracked out and unable to appear on The Surreal Life. She’s looking good, and she played her parts in this video well… except for the part where she is a victom of a womanizer. you are 100% right in that she is the promiscuous one, not him. Furthurmore, this video definately doesn’t “empower women in bad relationships;” it just supports women being treated as sexual objects, in the fact that she is mounting him at any possible moment. The video paints a colourful picture of women wanting to just screw any guy. (though, in this case, the guy is very screwable.)
I’m a bit surprised by Dan Keeney’s comments. Not so much that he defends Britney and ‘rules’ against you, but more so that he actually paid attention to the lyrics.
I understand that women do tend to get wrapped up in lyrics anyway, and when Britney us wrything there naked it certainly gives your mind something else to focus on, but what’s Dan’s excuse? I freely admit that I haven’t a clue as to what ANY Britney song is “about”, and I don’t care. But maybe that’s because I’m a musician and I don’t have even tiniest expectation to find anything meaningful in a Britney lyric.
On another note, I had no idea that Brit Is Back and with a very old invention. So, like another of your readers has stated already, thank you for the mass of screen shots. Now I won’t be curious about the video and can just skip directly to some good porn if I want to watch a hot naked chick wryth around.
This song is terrible. I’m going to be a total snob about it, but I see little to no merit in this pap. It’s not even that danceable. Boring.