FAYZANATION

Good news:  I finished the 10K today!

Bad news:  I was dragging my left leg for the last mile.

Let’s start with the good news.

I made it through the race!  In one piece!  I felt great before, during, and afterwards!  Okay, so that first mile, I was feeling a little more winded than usual.  But I know the beginning is the toughest part, and you just gotta keep on keepin’ on, and you pass through that struggle in the beginning if you just motor through.  So I motored.  And I motored.  And lo and behold, there was the finish line, and I felt really, really good.  Not out of breath, not fatigued, just very, very good.  I was speaking without panting and it was a nice feeling.

Now, the bad news, and the inevitable focus of all of my concern.

I’m in pain.  My knee is not well.  Around the second mile, I felt it becoming tender, and by the fourth mile, it began to seriously hurt.  From the fifth to sixth mile, I was in pain to the point where I was crying.  Thank goodness I was wearing sunglasses; I didn’t want anyone to see me doing that.

I am so disappointed.  I don’t know what this means, but I’m sitting in bed with ice on my knee, and it isn’t getting better.  I know my body well enough to know that this isn’t a small injury.  It’s happened twice in the past week now; it’s not going away anytime soon.

The pain is on the outside of my left knee, and it feels like the equivalent of a sprained ankle.  I can walk on it, as long as I don’t bend at the knee, and if even if I do bend at the knee slowly, it won’t hurt.  But getting out of bed, getting in and out of a car, walking up and down stairs, well, those activities cannot be accomplished without a significant degree of pain.

This is bad, bad news.  At first I thought it was runner’s knee, but there’s no inflammation and there’s no grinding.  The symptoms sound almost identical to those described as iliotibial band syndrome.  And yeah, just the sound of that is scary to me.

In light of the fact that I’m running (read: signed up for, committed to, excited for) a 10K tomorrow, I have been particularly cognizant of my knees.  So yesterday, instead of running, I cross-trained, doing some lifting at the gym (in a class, of course; I really don’t know what I’m doing otherwise) to strengthen ye olde quads and such.  Although I wish we’d focused more on the legs, I do think the leg exercises we did were good.  I also did a few quad-strengthening exercises on my own, and my knees feel well.

I am not going to lie and say that I’m not worried about them with tomorrow’s impending run, though.  Especially since I’m going to a concert tonight, and while I am most certainly going to be a good girl and will be in bed by midnight at the very latest, I am going to be standing on my legs all night at the show.  I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
At any rate, I’m going to do some yoga this afternoon.

Strangely enough, I’m less worried about me holding up through 6.2 miles than I am about my knees.  I am sending up a silent request to the God of Running to please, please let me get through tomorrow’s run injury-free and comfortably (i.e., I don’t want to feel like I have to stop).  I promise not to push it, and I promise to go easy on myself.  Just please don’t let me collapse or ruin my body this early on!

Okay, knees.  Listen up.

You are NOT going to give me trouble, you hear me?  That little stunt you pulled today on our run?  So.  Not.  Cool.  We ran for 30 minutes anyway, didn’t we?  Oh yes, we did, and you’d better stop acting up, because I don’t want to have to cut any of my runs short because of you.  You already prevented me from getting a full three miles in today, and that’s not cool, because the wind was working against us as it is.

Come to think of it, this is really quite immature of you.  I haven’t done anything wrong by you.  I’m wearing the right shoes.  I’m running primarily (and almost exclusively) on gravel.  I’m resting you anytime that we’re not running.  So what gives?  Why you giving me lip?

Is it because you know I want to run in the Bayou City Classic on Saturday?  Is that it?  Look, I know it’s pavement.  Believe me, I understand that.  If you don’t want to run, we don’t have to run on Thursday or Friday; we’ll cross-train instead.  But we’re doing that 10K.  Because I said so.  So get your act together, knees.  Because you’re not going to slow me down like you used to in high school.  You got that?

Yes, knees, I am threatening you.

My teammates, in every sense of the word.
Originally uploaded by Fayza

As if raising money for thousands of individuals suffering through and often beating leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease, and myeloma wasn’t enough, I now feel like I have a very personal stake in raising money and competing in this event.  I feel like my purpose has been entirely redefined, and I welcome this opportunity.

Above is a photo of one of the most important people to me, with her mother and father at the Grand Canyon.  Her father, Arun, was diagnosed with lymphoma, and, after a long struggle, he lost the battle on June 7, 2007.  I remember the way I felt when my friend told me the news of his condition, and I remember listening to her description of his declining health and his fight against the disease.  I felt helpless, because I love her so much, and I know how much she adored her father.  I’d met him on her birthday before, and his joviality and good humor really made an impression on me.  His passing affected me, deeply and vividly.

A decent 20-minute+ run yesterday, a decent 30-minute run today.  I’m not saying I’m overly thrilled with my performance (which means I had some breathing pains and stopped to walk for a few measured paces), but overall, I have to realize that this is only my second week training.  I’m not running the marathon tomorrow, and I’m pushing ahead.

Someone asked me the other day, “Do you really think you’re going to do this?  You’re really going to run all 26.2 miles?”
Actually, yes.  That’s the goal, isn’t it?

This is going to happen; there’s no doubt in my mind.  Unless I don’t meet my fundraising goal, that is.

I am really beginning to love running again.  And I love our Monday two-mile group runs and stamina training.  But I think I am beginning to realize, however, that I do not like night runs.  I feel much more sluggish at night, to the degree where it feels like I’m pulling myself forward.  Not pushing, but actually pulling.  It’s an odd feeling.  Not one I am comfortable with, especially after how well the four mile run went on Saturday.

Needless to say, last night was a bad run for me.  I had to stop to walk a few times, stop for water a few times, and my heart was hurting.  I didn’t feel like I could catch a full breath at all.  I’m not sure if my sports bra was too tight or if it was just the events of the day.  At any rate, I know there’ll be bad runs, and you just have to power through them.  So that’s exactly what I did.

I love that we ended the evening with a Swedish mile.  I really like my teammates; they’re quality people.  I feel completely comfortable and unembarrassed around them, even though I’m one of the slowest in the pack.  It’s a lucky thing, this dynamic.  It keeps me pulling forward.

Hooray, my first Saturday group run! I woke up at 6:15 a.m., headed out by 6:40 a.m., and we were off and running by about 7:15 a.m. We ran four miles today at Memorial Park, and gawddammit, I feel fantastic! I didn’t struggle with fatigue or pain during the run at all, although my tummy did feel sloshy. I went #2 beforehand to avoid that (sorry, but this is running for you!), but apparently that wasn’t good enough. It subsided after awhile, but at the tail end of the run, I felt that feeling again. Not sure what it was caused by. I talked to my coach about it a little bit, and he says it’s usually caused by overhydration, but I didn’t drink a lot of water before the run this time. Oh well. It’ll work itself out.

I ran for the first time in my Team in Training mesh jersey today, and whoa! What a difference it made in terms of my body temperature! I felt like my body was able to breathe, which was really different from how I’d felt during my run on Thursday.

I went to Finish Strong after practice to score some new running shoes and some running apparel. My ankle didn’t hurt during the run, but it was really tender afterward, and I felt the all-too-familiar strain on my knees kicking in as well. Apparently I underpronate, which good shoes will address. Which also explains the aches.

I figure, the more time, energy, and money I invest into this project, the more I will stick with it. Not that I’m feeling like dropping out or anything. But when the runs get longer and more difficult, I know my motivation is going to be put to the test. And I’m preparing myself for it now.

What I am worried about is my fundraising. I realize I still have to work on my physical, paper letters (which I will send to, um, my doctor and my dentist?), but I sent a whole bunch of e-mail last week, and I’m a bit disappointed with the turnout. I know people love me, and I know they support me. But perhaps it was too long? Perhaps they know they have until June to donate? No sense of urgency? No belief in the cause?

I don’t know. Only $5,100 to go! Yikes.