Phew. Hey, is this seat taken? Pardon me, but I need to sit down. You see, I’m already knackered, and I haven’t even begun writing! That’s because, well, it’s like this.
Listen closely, dear reader.
Because I’m going to tell you once, I’m going to tell you again, but you’re never, ever going to believe me. But it happened. I swear on everything that is cheesy and good in this world that it did.
Ready? Here goes.
Truthfully, it’s difficult to know exactly where to begin. I mean, between the exhilarating and invigorating DNC and the how-many-peaceful-protesters-can-we-arrest RNC (mind-blowing they even have a website at all, considering McCain can’t use the Internet), the past week has been a flurry of excitement and adventure. There was Sarah Palin and her baby mama drama. Or was it the Pitbull-in-Lipstick‘s baby’s mama drama? Dearie me. I need a pizza. I’m famished.
Can you believe we’re still talking politics?
Let’s not fool ourselves any longer. Toto, we’re really not chewin’ the fat on the election anymore. This is more like a telenovela, if you ask me. Except in English, of course. With uglier outfits. And much, much earlier birthdates. Ahem.
Shall we continue?
So, after everyone made fun of Sarah Palin and effectively discounted her second X chromosome, I-Wish-Dude-Wasn’t-A-Lady mocked Obama’s tenure in public service. Oh yes she did, yo. Girlfriend totally went there. And then the newest Spears mama bought onesies for the Palins’ pregnant underager. Because an affiliation with any member of the Spears family enhances your social standing these days, dontcha know. But never fear; Lynne Spears pulled the plug on that dirty rumor. Wouldn’t want to tarnish the Spears’ reputation or anything, would we?
Drug-induced hallucination? Hunger-inspired delusion? Figment of my imagination?
‘Fraid not, my friends. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
And now back to your regularly-scheduled dose of the-truth-is-stranger-than-fiction reality.